TGIF – I am so ready for a weekend. Six more work days until I will have six days off in a row. I tend to take my vacation time a couple days at a time, and sometimes that’s just not enough to regenerate, so I am really looking forward to that time off!
I keep changing the title of my blog. I guess it is a good thing I have not given it too many folks! I not only changed the title, but I changed the web address too. I don’t want this to be about my being a mom, that is what my whole “identity crisis” is all about anyway. I want this to be about me, finding me again after 14 years (including those with my ex) of being what others needed or wanted me to be! Of course being a mom is a big part of what I am, but it just can’t continue to be all that I am. I am not just Mom, or Tara’s mom….. I am MARTHA…..
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to pack Tara up and send her off to boarding school (although there are days…..), she is my heart, and there have been times when she was the reason I got up each day. She is a bright funny and loving child. We are so much alike though that we butt heads from time to time too!
I am sitting here trying to think of a list of things that I would like to do for me… and you know, I really can’t think of any except to READ A BOOK. It has been so long since I have put me first that I don’t know how to do it anymore. I have become one of those women whose puts (out of necessity at times) everyone/thing before them. I desperately need new clothes, a hair cut, a manicure and pedicure. There are days that I don’t get a shower, and I wear the same clothes two days in a row (I work at home, and many days I don’t do anything more outside the house than drive Tara and her friend to school, and pick Tara back up and walk the dogs under cover of darkness!)
I do spend time on the computer, that is me time… but many times interepted by a call for help with something, or a dog that needs to go out! I love photography, but most photography outings involve activities with Tara, and I can’t always focus (no pun intended) just on picture taking!
My mind has been spinning all week – maybe that is why I had such a hard time focusing on anything for more than a few minutes…. It really hit me this week, that I am 50, and this year in particular, I don’t think I have accomplished much of anything.
Well that’s what’s been floating around in my head all day….. I have a dog whining at me for who knows what reason. She has been a royal pain ALL week, maybe it was the moon this week… it was full yesterday! I might just send her to the moon!