Six Word Saturday – Runaway, Runaway

If I could runaway I would!

 

Click on the button and join in with the fun of Six Word Saturday, hosted by Cate at Show My Face.

(You may want to stop right there, what comes next is the mad ramblings of an exhausted and defeated mother of a 16 year old, my feelings won’t be hurt, I promise. I just need to get this out there!)

I am over this parenting thing. I know that sounds so awful to say, but this unconditional love thing that we as parents are supposed to have is being stretched pretty thin lately.

This sweet little girl, who yes, has always been strong willed and in some ways way beyond her years in maturity, has turned into a real meanie!

Tara and Peppy

This is Tara a few weeks ago… before she became a blonde. That was not really her choice, just another “bad” thing to have gone down recently, I personally loved her colored hair, but her hair could not take much more processing…. I digress.

You may want to judge her because of her purple hair, or her multiple piercings…lip, nose, multiple ear piercings and microdermals near her collar bones, but all of this is just to stand out and say I’m different, I’m not like every one else.

My daughter is not “bad” in the way that people think of teens being bad. She does not smoke, drink, miss curfew (she is always home) nor is she sexually active. What our problem is is that she HATES school We we are in the midst of the worst drama I have ever experienced being a mother. What I know to be the RIGHT thing for Tara is not what she feels is the right thing or the thing that she wants.

Tara will rationally sit and tell you all of the reasons the school system in this country is doing it all wrong. I have to admit, I have to agree with her on some points. She will rationally tell you all of the pros and cons for her personally. She’s put a lot of thought into this. She will also recite to you the studies that show that TEENAGERS do not perform well early in the morning, even though I would bet that most high schools in the country have start times WAY before the elementary kids. In our district the first bell rings at 7:22. She has to get up at 5:45am. That’s really early, and even I, an early riser, cringe every single morning.

If you don’t know, I am a mother doing this alone. My only real support, my mother, is support for me at times, but mostly only aggravates issues with Tara. The generation gap between the two of them is 73 years… that more of a canyon than a gap, and we all live in the same house.

We all know that there are laws about our children going to school. At some point school attendance (or not attending) is taken out of the parents hands, and put into the hands of the school district and other officials. I have been working with the school, working with doctors to try and see if we can’t get some of the issues resolved, but I am at the point that I really think there is no medical connection to this, just emotional, so much emotion that she makes herself sick when it comes to going to school. We are at the point where the control of any of this will be taken out of my hands, and I have visions of the truancy “cops” showing up at our door!

At 10:45 last evening after I had been snoozing on the couch, I was awakened by the train whistle that is the text notification I have assigned to her. When originally chose it, I just wanted to make sure that there was no doubt that the text was from her, but lately so many times her texts feel like I am being hit by a speeding training.

She was informing me that I HAD to get her out of school, she was never going back. If I could not find a way that she can finish out this school year AT HOME, she was dropping out. Okay, then. 10:45 on a Friday night, I’ll get right on that. It seems she had been sleeping and woke from a dream in the midst of a panic attack over school and grades.

She told me she hated me and used the “F” bomb several times both in texts and to my face. I try my best to not react or at least over react, that just makes things worse. These words really hurt me. I have always tried to do everything I can possibly do to make her happy. Maybe too much so, and now she can’t take NO from anyone.

I’m going to be the first to admit that I have screwed up, but totally out of love. I was not a single mom who left her home with a baby sitter to go out on dates. I even worked from home up until the time she was 13. I rarely went out without her. I bet I can count on one hand the number of times she had an actual sitter. If I did go out when she was little she was with my mother, and it was usually to the gym, a Weight Watchers meeting, or church.  I did too much to make her happy. If she had a bad day, I would buy her a toy, if someone hurt her feelings or she was fighting with a friend, we would go spend the day at Disney. Anything to not have her upset or mad! Now, she seems to not be able to handle NO!

So much of what she is feeling in NORMAL teenage angst, but to Tara, no one has ever been this stressed out over school and grades. To quote a text “I’m pretty sure school is not supposed to make you want to kill  yourself.”  She won’t ever say that to any one but t ME though, and no one else sees the anger and rage she expresses towards me. Nothing physical. It takes me back to the days of her father, we had some really vicious verbal attacks, again, he never hurt me physcially, but verbally, yeah baby!.

We have been having a battle over wanting to do cyber school (we’ve been there before, it worked pretty well). Back in 8th grade it was HER decision to go back to school, and she never really brought the subject back up. Until the Sunday before Spring break was over. I was supposed to make something happen so she would not have to attend her high school any longer. WTF? I agreed it there was a program that would take her almost into the 4th marking period of the year that I was okay with it, but that was a really big IF!

Needless to say, that did not work out. She was mad, but I thought had come to terms with finishing out less than 50 days (we are not at 35 I think) of the school year. The principal and guidance counselors agreed to help her in any way to make sure she passes.

She has continued to miss days of school, we’ve been to two doctors in the past week trying to attack any medical issues from all sides, and I am in almost daily contact with the principal. In fact, he got an email from me at midnight last night! I hope he has an extra cup of coffee on Monday morning!

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I worked today, and dreaded coming home. As tired as I was, I sat in the office for almost an extra 1/2 hour. The people I work with really are close like family and they have my back. They are good sounding boards. All different ages and different types of folks, so I get varied opinions. I appreciate each and every one of them.

I gathered all my courage and came home to I pick Tara up and we went for a ride. She loves to ride in the car, talk and listen to music. We rode and listened to music, and talked, but not about school. It was almost as if last night had not happened.

Should I have addressed the behavior, and the hurtful language? Why yes I should have, but frankly, I don’t have the energy. So far the last five hours have been drama free. We are about to sit and watch TV together, she just asked if we could go somewhere tomorrow to walk…. if only it could always be like this!

I know come Monday morning her plan will be to NOT go to school. I have warned the principal of that already and requested that I meet with him ASAP. I don’t have to be to work until 11am, so I do have some time on my side. She does need to have some blood work drawn, so I might use that opportunity to get that out of the way!

Send some good vibes my way, I just know this next few weeks is going to be a wild and crazy ride!

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Moody Monday

You know, not only do we women have to deal with the pain, discomfort and moodiness of our monthly cycles, but then we have daughters and we have to relive it all over again. Ugh.

It is not a pleasant Monday morning in the Kasper house! As a matter of fact, last Monday sucked too (that was because of the concert tix disappointment)! Thank goodness I don’t work until this afternoon, I don’t have to deal with getting myself ready as well as deal with the meltdowns. “Come help me, Go away, cut my hair off”…. UGH!

After tantrums and yelling (teens really are not much different than toddlers…. just BIGGER) Tara is staying home.  I really did not know what other option there was. I mean, I can’t carry a screaming teenager to the car like you would do a toddler! We were at a stand off. She needs to make decisions and deal with the consequences. She’s not in jeopardy of being “truant”, and her grades are okay (for Tara).

These types of mornings not only get Tara and myself upset, but my mother (she’s 87 if you recall) as well. This morning she got up and dressed and walked out of the house. I realized after a few minutes that she was walking around outside. It’s quite chilly, I felt so guilty when I saw her with her walker walking down the sidewalk.

Trying to keep both generations happy at the same time is so hard. This living situation has really damaged the grandmother/granddaughter relationship between Tara and my mother.  Tara is a much more outspoken teenager than I ever was, and much more dramatic.  Things I say that I think might help, only make it worse. So I tend to just stay quiet until I have option but step in.

This year has been far better than last year. Most mornings we get out of the house with little drama and on time, but the days that are bad are really bad.

I’m feeling like FRIED bacon this morning in the middle of this generational sandwich I am in!

Tara turned 15 yesterday. We had a very quiet weekend, with just one friend over. As I said on Friday, there was supposed to be a concert involved, but that did not work out. There is another on March 31st that hopefully will make up for it. There was no cake involved, just a birthday bagel (for the record, Tara does not like cake), nor was there a special birthday meal. She wanted Lo Mein on Friday. She did not want to wait until Sunday. That’s how Tara rolls.

If you read on Friday about my niece’s missing dog, Bella, the story had a very happy ending on Saturday. Bella had continued to be sighted, and a total stranger to my niece paid for two “publications” of the Pet Amber Alert, the second that included phone calls to local homes and businesses. He did this out of the goodness of his heart, and it helped them to know where to concentrate the search on Saturday. They had left some of my great-nephew Gavin’s close in the area, so Bella would know they were there. It took quite a bit of effort and some time, but they were finally able to catch her. She is back home and recovering from the ordeal.

Heather at Acting Balanced, has started a Meet Me on Monday based on Java’s MMOM at Never Growing Old.
Acting Balanced

1. What is on your bedside table? Too much junk. A lamp, water bottle, iPhone, tissues.

2. Hardback, Paperback or E-Reader? I prefer hardback, don’t have an E-Reader yet.

3. What is your ‘go to’ drink of choice? Coffee in the morning, and generally water. This morning something a little stronger might be nice (just kidding I rarely drink!!!)

4. How do you like to spend your birthday? As I get older, I prefer quiet birthdays. I mean, I celebrate another year of living, but no need for a big fan fare. A nice lunch or dinner out… that’s enough for me.

5. Finish this sentence – I would never be caught dead in … a bikini.

 

Well, I’ve got to work this afternoon, so I better get some things accomplished around home this morning so I can relax for a couple hours before I go in at 4pm. I did not sleep all that well, as I knew Tara was not feeling great and already stressing about the day last night. I’ve got laundry to do and I hope to get back to a scanning project I started yesterday morning.

Thanks a-LATTE for stopping by!

Martha

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If I wanted to get up at 6am, I would have set the alarm

Welcome to my new home, it is still under construction, so please bear with me!

StacyWhile I have been a bad (lax) blogger, it  seems as if Keeley has taken a hiatus from Random Tuesday Thoughts. I loved RTT because I could do a brain dump of all the things that weren’t enough material for a single post, but that were cluttering up my already too cluttered brain. My PA blogger friend, Stacy, at Stacy Uncorked is carrying on in Keeley’s absence. Yeah Stacy (queue clapping!)

  • I really wish pets come with a reset button. The dog, cat, and guinea pigs all think that if I am not up by 6am that something is wrong. In unison, they each make their own most annoying noise long and loud enough to compel me to get out of bed. I am tired, I don’t go to work until 3pm today, and then 9 1/2 hrs after I get home, I have to be back. I wanted to SLEEP in this morning, just a bit. Not happening, even with everyone feed and watered I can’t go back to sleep!
  • My mom is still recovering from her surgery and it is going much slower than she would like. This little taste of home nursing that I am getting, makes me appreciate the jobs of healthcare workers even more than I already did. Last evening was really for her, she can tolerate pain that would bring many of us to tears of agony. Five Percocets (over a 3 1/2 hr period, per Dr instructions) seemed to have helped. She is annoyed that she can’t do more to help herself. I totally do not mind. I am just struggling with having to be at work 8 hours out of the day. The surgery was not planned too far in advance, and I could not schedule extra time off.
  • The teen in the house is being pretty quiet and cooperative these days. She likes to sleep, oh and talk on the phone to her boyfriend for many minutes in the middle of the night. I guess teens are a bit like vampires. I am glad that he is on the AT&T network like us! Oh, and last month, 10,500 text message were sent by her alone. Thanks to my friend Art, he pointed out that there were only 42,300 minutes said month! All I can say is thank goodness for unlimited messaging and data plans!
  • Last week, on the second hottest day of the year, Tara and two other girls went to Vans Warped Tour. A very loud, outdoor concert in Camden, NJ. I drove them there, returned home, and later went back to pick them up! The reason I bring this up, is that I actually was given permission to take a photo of Tara (and friends) at 8:00am. This is honestly the first photo I have been allowed to take of Tara since she turned 14 in MARCH. There is sun glare, but I could not spend too much time setting up the shot, they barely stood still for this!  Tara is the one on the right.  No, the one in the middle did not wear ANY sunscreen, just saying!Before the Warped Tour
  • Had it not been so freaking hot, and if it was not the day my mother was discharged from the hospital I would have loved to spend some time in Philly (across the bridge from Camden) taking pictures. Instead, I resorted to a few pictures from the car!

Chinatown, murals, victor landing, philly, camden

 

I’m hopping on the Tuesday Train!
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Joining in on Tiggerific Tuesday too!
Magical Mouse Schoolhouse

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It’s official – there is a TEEN in the house

You know how you watch TV shows, and the teenagers all seem to go through the same set of “dramas”?
Well, I have another one out of the way – the I HATE MY HAIRCUT, SHAVE MY WHOLE HEAD IT WOULD LOOK BETTER – DRAMA
She actually had scissors in her hand at one point.
Now to the obviously untrained eyes of the adults who she allowed to see the cut, there was NOTHING wrong with it.
I knew there was going to be trouble when she asked for BANGS.  It is not so much the BANGS she HATES, it is that there are not enough, they are too thin, and as for the rest of her LONG hair, she HATES everything about it.  I honestly see little difference, in fact, there was VERY LITTLE hair on the floor after the cut was complete.
So now I am a terrible mother because I WON”T call out of work today so she can go back and my friend can attempt to make her happy…. she has to wait until 5pm.
In the mean time I guess she will be hiding in or room or wearing a hat.
How do mother’s survive the teen age years?

Oh, and obviously there are no pictures, sorry!

To top it all off her friend came running up the the house just as we were getting home… Tara did not want to see anyone…. I told her she was not happy, and that she did not want to see her.  The friend, even after being told that Tara was not in the mood for a visitor, continued to call when Tara did not answer her phone, called our home phone, and then walked over again, when I again told her – Tara does not want to see anyone.  She walked away and then CALLED Tara three more times.  Tara finally answered and told her she did not want to talk – and we are RUDE?  How many times do you have to tell someone that this is NOT a good time?

Thanks A-Latte for stopping by!

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